i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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