I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
