sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
