We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm like, not good at living.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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