The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
