I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
