We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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