Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
