This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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