you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
