Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
