i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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