Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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