i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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