i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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