Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
