my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
