what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
