Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
