you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
