batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just invented taco cereal.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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