i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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