Old men and throwing up are my life now.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
