Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
