i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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