Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
just tell him i said nine months
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
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