Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
