i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
