oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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