theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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