I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
