Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
