She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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