I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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