let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
How's work?
Spinning.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
