I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
