I just cut my nipple shaving
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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