I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
