Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
