Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
