When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I have aggressive nipples.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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