i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
