i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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