Can i not drive my cunt home
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
