he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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