Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
