What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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