I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
