ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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