put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
